The stockings are unstuffed, the presents are unwrapped and dinner is in the oven and the kids are happy. Our christmas morning has been a success.
Thank you for allowing us to share our lives with you.
On our long trip home, I was driving, he was sleeping. As the miles passed I kept seeing signs for an upcoming store. So when the exit came up I just pulled right off the highway and found the store.
Clyde was a little surprised when I pulled off the highway to go to a sex shop. He just shook his head at me and gave me a look that says "What am I going to do with you?" Lol
It was a popular adult store round these parts. Clean, classy, nice.
In the past we have shopped online for toys and only been to the stores a couple of times because theres not one close to us.
Anyway it was fun. We talked about all the different toys, paddles, bongade, etc. It was a good way for us to talk about the things we are into.
So we had fun with it. We tried out a couple implements with just a quick swat. We were laughing and playing and probably touching everything and I got worried we were going to get kicked out because the sales lady was watching. In the end we settled on a good quality crop, nipple clamps and a naughty school girl outfit!
When we got back in the truck Clyde grabbed my hand and placed it on his hard cock. I smiled. He was so turned on, he couldn't wait to get home. He tried to issue another challenge but because I was driving he had to wait.
And wait a while.
It was still an hour till we got to hometown and we had to pick up the kids and dinner.
Once everything finally settled down for the night he had me put on the outfit for some playtime.
To be continued....
We were on our way to the casino on Saturday afternoon. We had been flirting and touching the whole way. Once we started getting close he gave me 10 mins to get him off while he was driving.
I was more than happy to accept that challenge. I reached over and unzipped his pants and yanked them down a bit and took his hard cock in my mouth.
I gave him the best blow job I know how. In broad daylight at 70 miles an hour as cars passed.
I think I got the job done in much less than 10 mins. As I had time to right myself and him before we pulled into the parking lot.
WARNING this post is a bunch of late night rambling that won't brighten your day. Proceed with caution or move on to happier blogs.
Its late at night and I can't sleep. I have so many thoughts running through my head that I thought I should write them down and get them out.
I don't know what is going on with me but my spirit just took a nose dive. Seriously, a crash landing. I loved myself a week ago. Now I'm full of self loathing.
Why? You may ask....
Here's the list:
I feel extremely guilty for not having a job. I haven't had a job for many, many years. I worked at a few places over the years at Christmas time or just when we needed financial help. I'm 32 years old and have never had a full time job. How sad is that? I want one but I had kids young and never had the chance to go to college. I had big dreams of being a teacher and an athletic coach. That didn't happen. Now I feel inadequate. I don't even know where to begin.
We haven't had much play time. Because of that my sex drive is diminishing. I'm finding out that I'm the kind of girl who need constant reassurances and ego stroking to keep the fire going. I don't want to be that girl.
I've gained about 10 lbs. over the last few months and I feel so fat and ugly. That may not sound like much but I'm not a big girl and it shows. I also feel like this is part of the reason why Clyde is "too tired". Probably not but it feels like rejection.
I have a ton of mom guilt. Its summertime and my kids are driving me crazy. I shouldn't feel like this. I know my children are a gift and I love them more than life itself. But I am tired of being a referee between my twins and my youngest. Its too hot here to go out and do much so we stay home a lot and I feel guilty that we are wasting their summer.
From time to time I have doubts about my marriage. Did we marry too young? Am I the right woman for him? Is he the right man for me? Are we together for the right reasons? Am I making him into someone he's not? Why would he want to be with me?
I think my blog sucks. I love writing and meeting people in blogland has been such an eye opener. I really like blogging but again I feel inadequate. There are some really smart, funny, loving people here and I feel like I'm on the outside trying to push my way in. Why would anyone want to read about my life. I'm really not that interesting.
I absolutely HATE feeling like this. I'm not this girl. Usually I have a smile on my face and can find a silver lining in any cloud.
Gosh, I even feel guilty for writing this. What is wrong with me?
I haven't talked to anyone about the way I've been feeling. I just keep it to myself. Why bother anyone else with things I need to fix about myself?
Do you know what I feel like I need? A good spanking, a lecture and a plan of action...... OR maybe just some love and understanding.
If only I could give those to myself....
I'm in a bit of a lull. I'm not sure what's going on with me. I haven't felt very submissive lately and I haven't felt Clyde's dominance either. I have been grouchy and at times very snippy.
He has been working his ass off in this summer heat. I have always appreciated how hard he works. He's always hustlin. He has the ability to make money out of thin air. I don't know how he does it but because of that, he has been really tired and not had much energy for playing. Of course I have received some spankings and good sex but it feels forced and I haven't been able to let go during the spankings. The release is not there.
I feel kind of lost right now. I mean, I love ttwd and I love the changes I see in our relationship but it feels like all that has disappeared. I have tried to remain submissive and feed his dominance but it feels like rejection when he is too tired.
I know I shouldn't complain. He will read this and wonder what else he has to do to make me happy. I know he tries to give me what I want and he does makes me happy.
I realize now that ttwd takes a lot of work from both sides. I worry if we don't get back on track it will all slip away and return to the way things were. I feel like he might want that because I was a lot less work for him. I just floated through the days feeling like there's got to be MORE while he was happy as a clam. Oblivious to it all.
I love ttwd, I just want him to love it as much as I do. Maybe I'm asking to much from him.
My hope is that things will return to normal again soon.
And because I don't want to end this on a sour note, I will tell y'all about some fun we had recently.
Last weekend Clyde and I went to a friends house for a party. We had a great time. It was a 70s party and everyone dressed up. I went as a hippie with my bell bottoms and tie die halter. Clyde was the hit of the party though. He and brother-in-law went as cheech and chong. They played off of each other well and kept everyone entertained the whole night. Clyde was Tommy Chong complete with a HUGE joint. lol We had so much fun dancing and drinking the night away.
When we got home, he left the beard and wig on and I got some strange :)
I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the was ttwd had changed our marriage. For me this has breathed new life into our relationship. We play more often. We laugh more often. Intimacy has been restored. We love deeper. For the first time in years we are both making a great effort to show each other how we feel.
I hope that Clyde is seeing these benefits as much as I am.
Clyde has slid into his role quite nicely. I had this image in my head of what type of dominant I wanted him to be but I'm finding out that I love the dominant he is more than my fantasy. He has stepped up in a big way lately. He's indulging in my masochistic desires with me and I have the bruises to prove it. He did leave one rather deep bruise on my hip that he has been concerned about. Its very sweet the way he becomes tender when he asks me about it. He checks on it. I have reassured him that bruises aren't a big deal for me. I expect them to happen from time to time. I feel proud to wear his mark.
He's also done a great job keeping my emotions in check lately. There was something that happened the other day that made me jealous. He was very quick to put a stop to it and he's been very attentive to me. He's been doing many things that will make me smile to myself. I don't even think he realizes how dominant he has become. Yesterday after I stepped out of the shower,freshly shaved mind you, he had me stand still while he inspected me. This is new. I love when I see growth in him. He has changed so much for me. He has stepped out of his comfort zone and given me so many new experiences. For this I will always be grateful.
This has in turn fed my submissive side. I have never felt this way. I feels more connected to him than ever before.
He makes me a happy woman.
Two years ago we were at the beach with our daughters when rocks started washing up at our feet with inspirational words written on them. We collected about 6 rocks that day. I put them in my red mesh bag that I always use for the beach.
Yesterday as I was packing our bag for the beach, you know towels, sunscreen, toys etc. One of the twins asked for a hair brush that I had packed. I dug down to the bottom and felt one of those rocks. I picked it out and turned it to face me.
It had the word "submissive" written on it.
Now this one word meant a whole lot more to me today than it did 2years ago. I was dumbfounded and sat on the bed thinking about what this meant.
Now I'm not a religious person. Nothing wrong with it but its just not how I was raised. But holding this rock felt like some higher power telling me I'm on the right path. Validation. I mean it was the only rock still there from the 6 we collected.
This trip to our favorite beach town has been wonderful. We have had some great family bonding moments with our girls and I have taken so many pics I would love to share with y'all.
Tomorrow is a celebration day here in the US. Usually filled with food ,family, lots of alcohol and fireworks. My family and I will be spending the day on the beach followed by a parade and fireworks. I can't wait!
I hope that y'all stay safe and party responsibly.
There's some idiots out there. Lol
Today is my birthday and Clyde has been so good to me. I received one of the best spankings I've had yet.
"Come here birthday girl" he says patting his knee.
I walk over and lay across his lap on the bed. He hands me a pillow for my head. I settle in and wait while he pulls my panty down.
"One, smack, two, smack, three..... He counts them out until he reaches my age. When he's done he reaches between my legs and feels how wet I am. He continues to spank and fondle until I'm just a puddle of need in his lap. What he does next really surprised me.
I feel something cold touch my pussy. It begins to vibrate. I moan as he pushes it inside me. He works the vibe while he spanks me and I grind my hips. It was an intense orgasm that left me with a smile on my face. When it was over I turned to him and noticed he was hard as a rock. I start to undo his pants to take care of him.
"Nope." He says "That one was just for you." So I snuggle up on his chest and fall asleep.
It has been a pretty good birthday. We just got back from dinner with my family to celebrate. We had a great time with lots of laughs. Soon we will meet up with some friends at our favorite bar for drinks.
I wish everyday could be my birthday!
On another note we leave Monday for a week long vacation at the beach. I will try to catch up with y'all when I can.
Hope your weekend is as good as mine ;)
By now you know that Clyde and I do not practice DD. We use spanking for erotic purposes only. I have mentioned before that I would like to add the discipline dynamic to our relationship. Clyde didn't really take to it but never said no to it either. I had been trying to push him in that direction.
Well the other day that came to a head. I was feeling a little upset that he hadn't taken any steps toward DD. We talked about it and he flat out told me that this was not something he could do. He would not punish me. He would not set rules for me. He didn't feel I deserved that and it just wasn't in him.
Of course I felt let down. I withdrew. We didn't talk to each other for several hours. I had to let that sink in. It was uncomfortable to say the least.
At the end of the day when we were alone I asked if we could talk about it. And boy am I glad we did. He made me realize that there is nothing he would want to change about me. He loves me for me. He doesn't want to discipline me for any behavior. He just wants me to be me.
I love him for that.
We will continue our journey with ttwd and do it our way.