Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Big Changes are happening

I haven't been around blogland much lately. I guess you could say I lost my inspiration. Things had gotten pretty vanilla between clyde and I and thats not very fun to write or read about. I felt like things on the D/s front had reached a plateau. We weren't having any playtime or very much sex. We weren't trying anything new, we were at a stand still. D/s was only in the bedroom sometimes and I wanted more.

I decided to talk to him about it. I told him that I, as the sub, could not continue to lead him. He can't keep taking his cues from me. That's not the way this is supposed to work. If he is not interested in learning more that what I have told him about how to be a Dom than we might as well forget this thing we do. I don't want him to just do this for me. If this is not what he truly wanted in our relationship then its pointless. We are not always the best at communicating but I did get my point across and it left some tension between us.

We really didn't talk much more about it and just went on with our daily vanilla life. I wasn't sure where that little discussion was going to take us but I was sure something was about to change one way or another. Over the next couple days I saw him on the internet reading and typing a lot. I was curious and when I asked he just said that I would find out soon enough.

Well yesterday I found out what he was up to. He presented me with a contract. He wants to own me, mind, body and soul. He wants to be my Master. He wants me to be his slave.

I was completely taken by surprise. I mean, here I was thinking submission was over for us and he wants to take it further than I ever imagined he would. Whatever he read over the weekend must have made something click inside him. As we discussed the contract and him owning me, he had a raging hard on the whole time. I guess you could say I got the "more" I was asking for.

I have mixed feelings about this. One part of me loves what he has presented to me and you could imagine inside I was like an excited puppy, jumping up and down. The other part of me....... Doesn't know what to think of the title "Slave".

So that's where we are now. He has assured me he is serious about being my Master and all that entails. I'm not sure where this will take us. We are still working on our contract as there are things I want to add and change. If I'm brave enough, I will post it here when its final and signed by both of us.

Any advice for either of us would be appreciated as this is a big step for both of us. You can leave it in the comments or email at bonniegetsspanked@gmail.com


22 comments:

  1. I am fixin' to have the same conversation with my husband, but I HIGHLY doubt it will yield the same result. I don't know how I would feel about that title either, especially if I felt he hadn't been doing anything to EARN it. I don't know if I could commit to going that far if his leadership had been lacking.... And I don't know if I could go by "slave" either. But the term is just that, a term. And the real parameters of your relationship are set in the contract. So I wouldn't really worry so much about what you call it, just what you are agreeing too. Good luck. I hope I am HALF as successful as you are!

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    1. Believe me, I never thought my husband would take it to this level either. Just be patient and keep communicating and maybe he will come around. Y'all have had some big changes and stressful situations and hopefully things have calmed down and he can focus more on you soon.

      You're right. Its just a word and I shouldn't get too hung up on it.

      xo

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  2. Big step! Having a contract will give you a framework to talk things through and understand what you both want out of the arrangement. My only bit of advice - take your time.

    Hugs
    DF

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    1. Huge step! I'm still trying to let it sink in. We will definitely take our time, we are going to give it a 3 mo trial period and then reevaluate.

      xo

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  3. Bonnie,
    I have been following your blog for a long time but this is the first time I have had the courage to say Hi. I I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer you as I have been having the same conversations with my husband that you had with Clyde. I would love if my hubby surprised me with a contract. I'm with you though on the whole slave thing. I suppose you two could negotiate the contract until you are both happy with it. I am really happy and excited for you though :)

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    1. Hi Diane, I'm glad you found the courage to let me know you were here.

      I suppose this contract will be worked and reworked a lot over the next few days or so. It's so new to us that I don't know what to expect but he has set some guidelines and rules and mentioned training. Yikes!!! What have I gotten myself into? It is pretty exciting though!

      xo

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  4. Bonnie, I will admit that I was not a fan of the term slave at first (or Master for that matter). They are just words though...a way of describing that you belong to him and what is more flattering than that? :) I never thought that it would be something I was proud of but here I am.

    I agree...its more about what you do than what its called.

    So happy that things have taken this turn for you and I love the idea of starting with a contract.

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    1. Its funny, I have no problem with Master, its just to think of myself as a slave feels wrong. Now if you put sex in front of that... Sex slave....Well now that I can deal with. Lol

      I do belong to him and have for many years so I like the way you look at that. It is flattering.

      I love the idea of a contract too. It has really set the guidelines and expectations of both of our needs.

      xo

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  5. I think the important part here is that he went away, researched and told you what he wanted.
    Words are words and they mean different things to different people anyway. As long as you are both sure what you mean and what you want that is what counts here.
    How wonderful that he has been able to demonstrate his desires to you.

    Janey x

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    1. It really means a lot to me that he did listen to where I was coming from and took the time to findd what he thought would satisfy both our needs and desires. He's a good man and I'm very lucky!

      xo

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  6. oh Bonnie my heart was sinking when i first started reading this thinking "oh no" and then...yay...how wanderful and exciting for you both starting this whole new path together.

    Gosh my only advice is patience, let it flow, dont rush it....and lots and lots of communicating..make a promise to each other or add it to the contract that you both need to be honest about how your feeling...no keeping things in....(she says being terribly guilty of this lol)

    But most of all, enjoy discovering each other in a whole new way.

    x

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    1. Yes patience is a big one. There is even a clause in our contract about it. I'm nothing if not patient.

      It will be fun to rediscover each other and add this dynamic to our relationship after all these years. That being said, I'm being realistic in knowing making these changes will not always be easy.

      xo

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  7. Wow! Congrats on it not dying out! Holy cow that is some turn around.

    My only advice would be to build in communication! Lots of communication! Specify sit-down or mandated times of communication to evaluate and adjust.

    I wish you luck and can't wait to see where your adventure takes you!

    hugs,
    fiona

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    1. We will definitely need to work on communicating. I have put in the contract a biweekly meeting of progress. Hopefully that will help us along the way.

      xo

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  8. What a beautiful outcome Bonnie. As others have already said take your time ... I like to think of D/s as a journey rather than a final point to reach. Also (and this is something I struggle to remind myself at times) like all relationships D/s has its ups and downs and there will be moments where you feel the dynamic is slipping away, but if it is both what you want it will always be there ... maybe just a little cluttered by vanilla life and problems. ava x

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    1. That's a really good point Ava. I will try my best to remember this along the way.

      xo

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  9. Wow Bonnie, big changes for you! I'm glad you were able to communicate and that Clyde did the research and was able to tell you what he wants. I agree with the others, the terms are just that. What matters is the agreement between you.

    Looks like you have some great advice above and I agree. Take your time and lots of communication. Wishing you both all the best on you new adventure!

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. You all are right about the terms. I shouldn't let it bother me because I really like what the contract lays out. I think this could be really good for us. I look forward to seeing where this goes!

      xo

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  10. Hi Bonnie :)

    Wow I read this last night an had to go and think about an answer. I don't really think I have much to say that others haven't said.

    We had a similar conversation and dabbled a bit with it. Everyone is different and you have to choose the path that suits you as a couple. For us it's a matter of bringing these dynamics in to an already established relationship, which for the most part is vanilla, simply because we are a family first and have children and other obligations. Certain aspects of these dynamics will have to be put on hold for te sake of everyday life.
    Having said that, with us it became apparent that, what goes on in our private bedroom life, can't be brought out in to everyday life. As much as the DD part can be incorporated in to everyday, the D/s part can't. I also don't want it to. I can't deal with 24h TPE, it stresses me. But that's a whole different story which ill probably write about one day.
    What helped us, and others have said it, is to communicate, and then communicate some more. After every interaction and/or session you need to be honest about your feelings. A contract is a good start, every point explained and set out and go slow an easy and build on your trust.

    I'm pleased for you that he took initiative and researched, it's a big step and it's showing his devotion to you and TTWD. You can build from that now.

    I wish you lots of luck with this new path you guys are on.

    Hugs x

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  11. Yes. I'm sure that if we didn't have a family things would play out very differently. I think he has found some creative ways to still have this dynamic in our vanilla family life.

    I'm not sure how this is going to go for us as this is completely new but I'm certainly willing to give it a try and excited to see where it takes us. We are going to give the contract a 3 month trial period and reevaluate to see where we would like to go from there. Communication and honesty are definitely key and I will try my best to remember that as things go forward.

    xo

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  12. I really want to thank you all for you advice and support with this. As I'm sure you all know, I certainly couldn't talk to anyone in my real life about this so with out this wonderful community I would feel lost going into this. So thank you ladies. Your support and kind words are very much appreciated.

    xo

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