So I'm just going to start writing and hope this flows and makes sense.
Lately I have been feeling a little neglected. (Not sure if this is the right word to describe how I feel but we'll go with it for now.) Don't get me wrong. Clyde treats me well. He takes good care of my needs, but I don't feel like I'm treated with the same attention I give him. I submit to him and treat him like the king that he is. I do everything for him. I usually take great pleasure in our dynamic.
But if he's the king, shouldn't I be the queen?
I give him everything I have. I just want to feel as important to him as he is to me.
I want to be put back on that pedestal that he put me on years ago. Somewhere along the way it crumbled. I don't always like the way he makes me feel. Its not intentional. I know he loves me unconditionally. Proven by all the crazy things that have come out of my mouth over the last few months and he has made changes and adjustments to give me what I want.
I can't help it. I just want more from him. I want to feel like he needs me. I want to feel like he couldn't live without me. I want to feel cherished.
He tells me he loves me all the time and we have been together nearly 20 years.
Is it crazy that I'm unsure of the way he feels about me?
Maybe it is. I know he loves me but I need more information about how he feels with all the changes I've been going through. I need some reassurance that he still feels the same for me. That I haven't scared him away. Sometimes I feel like I'm changing and growing so much that I need him to ground me to make sure I don't float away.
He is a man of few words. I talk, he listens. I wear my heart on my sleeve and he keeps is burried in his chest.
I'm getting hung up on words he doesn't say and I'm not paying attention to his actions.
Actions speak louder than words right?
But sometimes there are words that a girl needs to hear....
I never used to be this needy. It never bothered me before but since starting ttwd I need him more than ever.
My poor hubby, it must be difficult trying to keep up with me and my ever changing emotions.