Thursday, June 6, 2013

I want...

So I'm just going to start writing and hope this flows and makes sense.

Lately I have been feeling a little neglected. (Not sure if this is the right word to describe how I feel but we'll go with it for now.) Don't get me wrong. Clyde treats me well. He takes good care of my needs, but I don't feel like I'm treated with the same attention I give him. I submit to him and treat him like the king that he is. I do everything for him. I usually take great pleasure in our dynamic.

But if he's the king, shouldn't I be the queen?

I give him everything I have. I just want to feel as important to him as he is to me.

I want to be put back on that pedestal that he put me on years ago. Somewhere along the way it crumbled. I don't always like the way he makes me feel. Its not intentional. I know he loves me unconditionally. Proven by all the crazy things that have come out of my mouth over the last few months and he has made changes and adjustments to give me what I want.

I can't help it. I just want more from him. I want to feel like he needs me. I want to feel like he couldn't live without me. I want to feel cherished.

He tells me he loves me all the time and we have been together nearly 20 years.

Is it crazy that I'm unsure of the way he feels about me?

Maybe it is. I know he loves me but I need more information about how he feels with all the changes I've been going through. I need some reassurance that he still feels the same for me. That I haven't scared him away. Sometimes I feel like I'm changing and growing so much that I need him to ground me to make sure I don't float away.

 He is a man of few words. I talk, he listens. I wear my heart on my sleeve and he keeps is burried  in his chest.

I'm getting hung up on words he doesn't say and I'm not paying attention to his actions.

Actions speak louder than words right?

But sometimes there are words that a girl needs to hear....

I never used to be this needy. It never bothered me before but since starting ttwd I need him more than ever.

My poor hubby, it must be difficult trying to keep up with me and my ever changing emotions.


  1. This is just one of the many, many ways, men and women are so different! For the most part, we wear our heart on our sleeves, and they tend to be a little more on the quiet side.

    I think you're on the right track when you mention actions speak louder than words. I know you'd rather those words, but sometimes men just work a different way than we do.

    Another suggestion is to flat out talk to him about it. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but it could be a conversation that ends up bringing you guys even closer than before!

    1. I have tried talking to him about it. I think he just doesn't know how to change his ways at this point. It just seems to go in one ear out the other. I will let his actions speak for him and love him anyway.

  2. I think Kenzie hit it right. Men and women communicate so differently. You're right that his actions speak louder than any words he could say... but sometimes we need to hear it too. I would vote talking straight out to him, but that's because I'm about as subtle as a wrecking ball. Good luck!

    1. lol Rosie. We have had that conversation a couple times recently. I guess I should just be happy with what I have and not worry about what he doesn't say. No news is good news right? I know he loves me and I will focus on that. Thanks for the advice.

  3. I have found that when I get more submissive, I get more emotional, more needy, and I struggle with these same feelings. I usually just try to talk it out, and even if he doesn't have much to say, his actions usually reassure me. I think there is something about putting them first that can bring on a lot of vulnerable feelings when we didn't expect it. I say exactly the same thing...that I want to feel cherished. I don't have all the answers, but I do understand how you feel. It never hurts to talk to him, or ask him to read this post?

    1. I don't have the answers either but I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Thanks Marie.

  4. From your previous posts it sounds as he has made many changes as well as you have, is he just not giving it to you right?

    1. "Giving it to me right"? Not sure exactly what you mean by this.

      He has made changes and I, by no means, want to discredit that. I just need him to open up and show me his softer side. I know its there somewhere. Usually I only get that when he's done something wrong.(which rarely happens)

  5. Hello! I am a new follower of your blog, and I am kind of shocked at how similar our stories are! We are in our mid thirties and married for 13 years as well with a couple of kids, etc... Anyway I wanted to say that I have had the same thing happen since changing our relationship dynamic to D/s. I think it is a submissive thing. We get SO in tune with them and their needs that we want the same in return. For my husband in particular, it is taking some time to adjust to this "new me". He isn't sure what to do with me. I talked to him about it (read had a massive meltdown) and things are better now. Good luck!

  6. Hello Surrendered Wife. I'm glad you stopped by.

    Haha "the new me". That's a perfect way to describe my situation as well. I definitely have become more needy but we are both learning to deal with it.

    Look forward to getting to know u sweetie!


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