Tuesday, June 25, 2013

DD. Its not for everyone

By now you know that Clyde and I do not practice DD. We use spanking for erotic purposes only. I have mentioned before that I would like to add the discipline dynamic to our relationship. Clyde didn't really take to it but never said no to it either. I had been trying to push him in that direction.

Well the other day that came to a head. I was feeling a little upset that he hadn't taken any steps toward DD. We talked about it and he flat out told me that this was not something he could do. He would not punish me. He would not set rules for me. He didn't feel I deserved that and it just wasn't in him.

Of course I felt let down. I withdrew. We didn't talk to each other for several hours. I had to let that sink in. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

At the end of the day when we were alone I asked if we could talk about it. And boy am I glad we did. He made me realize that there is nothing he would want to change about me. He loves me for me. He doesn't want to discipline me for any behavior. He just wants me to be me.

I love him for that.

We will continue our journey with ttwd and do it our way.

24 comments:

  1. Don't rock a boat if it sailing well! P and I don't do discipline spanking because if he was unhappy with something his words would be painful enough, even a disappointed look would make me think twice. I think it works both ways too.
    Our TTWD is erotic and fun. If he does tease me about being 'naughty' it's an excuse to spank me, not punish me.
    Clyde has the measure of you already I think :)
    hugs
    DF

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  2. You're absolutely right DF. Things have been good for us and I want to keep it that way. How could I be anything but happy that he loves me so completely.

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  3. The beautiful and awful thing about this community is how many different types of relationships there are. We sometimes feel pressured to conform to the group, no matter what that group is. There is definitely a heavy DD presence in the spanko community, and it's hard for those of us who are outside of it. Bossman and I have a few rules that we stick to, but like your Clyde, Bossman doesn't want to change me. It's the perfect arrangement for you, so embrace it!

    Thank you for sharing this, Bonnie. I struggle with the pressure to do discipline, and it is such an amazing relief when I see people like you standing up and saying, "This is how we do it!" Truly, thank you for that.

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    1. It can be difficult for those of us outside DD but this right here is the great thing about this community. The amount of support and people understanding each other and our struggles is amazing. Its good to know I am not the only one.

      So I say Thank you Rosie.

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  4. I think I understand where you are coming from Bonnie - my hubby & I are just barely ttwd and sometimes I long for the intensity that I see in dd relationships. But then I have to remind myself to just be content in what I have - a loving marriage with a man who is willing to spank me for me.

    I'm glad you wrote this because I was struggling with this last night myself. You helped me pause & think.

    ((hugs))
    Cali

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    1. Absolutely Cali. The intensity and closeness of couples who practice DD is what attracted me to it. I also think it could help me but I now realize its just not for him. So I too am reminding myself to be content with what I have which is a happy marriage.

      Hugs to you Cali!

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  5. Oh yes, that is my man too.

    But sometimes we make up reasons. For funsies. :)

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    1. We have done that too. It can be fun to play along with ;) and that what ttwd has been about for us. Having fun and not taking ourselves to seriously.

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  6. I love this post!! Ttwd is unique with every relationship. Ya gotta be you! :)

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    1. Thanks Sarah. We are just figuring out what works for us. Its not always easy but so worth it!

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  7. Z didn't feel comfortable for awhile with the Dd part of who we are...we even took a break from it for a bit. But now, he loves it. Not because he wants to change me, but more because he likes the way it clears the way and ends conflict and the way we are afterwards together...I think when we got a little kinkier and it was more of a D/s relationship he has latched on completely and can't imagine it any other way. I can understand it not being for everyone...and hey, if he actually spanks you for fun than yahoo!!!!

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    1. We have gotten much kinkier since starting ttwd and D/s is thriving in our relationship. I am happy where we are.

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  8. Love this Bonnie. You are absolutely right. You have to do what is right for you and your relationship. We each make ttwd our own.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz. We are taking it one day at a time. Who knows what tomorrow might bring.

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  9. It is all about growing closer and learning how to love each other in all the right ways. You are doing exactly that and you will have your own unique story to tell as you find your way. Good for you Bonnie.

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    1. "Learning to love each other in all the right ways." I love that and you are right we have to find our own way. Thanks Susie.

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  10. Hey honey :)

    No DD is not for everyone, but ttwd is, take it honey, you have a great husband who loves ou for you, that's great. You obviously can talk and have intimate connections to each other. Make this yours. Build on it from here. Enjoy your life and marriage. That's all we can ask for :)

    Hugs x

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    1. Great advice Missy. I do have a great husband. We will continue to figure out what works for us and enjoy the road that takes us there.

      Hugs to you sweetie!

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  11. It's all about what works best for the two of you as a couple! That's what important, good for you for realizing that! :)

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    1. Thanks Kenzie.

      Everybody is different I guess that's why they call it this thing WE do.

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  12. You have such a strong marriage based on love. There are no commandments in this journey. Each couple works it out for themselves.

    Hugs and kisses

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    1. Thanks Desi. I hope I have portrayed our relationship in the proper light on this blog.

      I can't fault him for not wanting the same things that I do. We can only love each other through our differences and try to have fun along the way.

      Hugs and kisses back at ya babe

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  13. We started with rules that if I break I will be punished. He made a punishment paddle that is fairly thick with several holes . He usually makes me get it bring it to me pull my pants down and turn around. Then he bends me over and I get however many swats I deserve. We started this part of D/s to keep me focused it usually works that padfle gets my attention and having to bring it to him puts me back into submission.

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    1. I could see how that would be very effective. The problem for us is that Clyde will not punish me. He only spanks for fun and I've accepted that.

      Thanks anon!

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